If you think monkeys have no concept of table decorum, just try and take one driving sometime! For creatures who are touted as being "mankind's cousins", these treacherous little monkeys can't even keep a car on the right side of the road, and forget about any concept of traffic laws!

I brought Bobo with me to the Hollywood Hertz™ Car Rental establishment to see just how well a creature that is "so close to man" would handle a rented 1997 V-8 Ford Mustang Fastback. I know what some of these "scientific" types might say at this point, "A Mustang? That's not fair! You should have rented him a Focus or a Geo Metro, something more compact and easier to handle!"

Yeah, right! There is always some excuse to be made by these "scientific" types when they are going to be proven wrong! In any event, I rented the Mustang with my Platinum™ Visa Card and I strapped the squirming Bobo into the drivers seat. Now get this, HE COULDN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THE KEY INTO THE IGNITION! I ask you again, is this God's nearest answer to his ultimate creation? Is this our so-called "brother animal"? It is ridiculous! Here is a creature so dumb he couldn't even figure out how to roll his window down or change his seat back position!

I then had to put the car in gear for Bobo, and we swerved with a dizzying motion out onto the Los Angeles Freeway. Talk about a disaster! Bobo would drive on the median, speed, hit slower moving vehicles and run down pedestrians. In fact, this heathen little monkey never once used his turn-signal... and he ate one of the knobs off the radio when I wasn't looking!

Mankind's next of kin? Lord knows it was all I could do to get us back to the car drop-off area in one piece! So much for all this "scientific" monkey-human DNA sophistry! If God had meant for monkeys to drive he would have given them car keys!