Dear Bricktop:
I know you have always recommended hungry pigs to dispose of an unwanted body, but what should I do if I got a stiff and no livestock? In other words, what's the best way to get rid of a corpse otherwise? This thing ain't turning into no bouquet of flowers you know. Oh, and I think you are the best! Love your style Gov!
Sincerely,
Carmine Leggio, Behind the 7-11, Milwaukee, WI

Dear Stupid Shite:
Get your tongue out of my arse Carmine. Dogs do that. And you're not a dog, are you Carmine? But much like a dog, you haven't the brains to shat for yourself, do ya boy? You should have thought about body disposal before you offed the grasser, my fine fucking lad. That being said, as a whole body is too fucking large to be moved in one piece, dismembering the body into at least 20 smaller pieces usually does the trick. That way, you can carry the lot off and no fucking bizzies is going to give you any guff. You don't want to piss around so I recommend a simple wooden stand, like two saw-horses or step ladders affixed with ropes to gradually hoist up the body. Remove his Alans, and then the leg hooks are attached to your chum so the body can be raised to a half-hoist position. The platform should be approximately 50 cm above the ground and sloped to a steel drum or a drain. So, my fine lad, with the body in an upside-down hanging position, start by bleeding the fucking tart out from the neck. Once the bleeding is complete the head can be removed and the body lowered on to the floor for the piece work. The feet are then removed, the skin opened up along the breastbone, and then remember to cut off the hands and pull the teeth... and that's for the fingerprints and dental records, my brilliant fucking friend. Now cut the stupid git into pieces and dump him in the back of beyond so nobody finds anything they can piece back together. Now fuck off.

Dear Bricktop:
I was just wondering, what's your favorite Italian gravy? We went to the mattresses yesterday and I have to cook for a bunch of guys, so I wanted to know what would be a fast and gustoso salsa. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Pete Clamenza, 309 West 43rd Street, New York, NY

Dear Fucking Plonker:
Well, fuck all. I really don't give a toss about your fucking mattresses, Sunshine, but here goes. You will need:
1-1/2 lbs pork loin
1 tablespoon tomato paste
3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil
2 medium onions, chopped
2-1/2 lbs. ripe peeled tomatoes, seeded and chopped
3 cloves of fresh garlic, 1 minced fresh Oregano sprig
3-5 fresh basil leaves
Salt & Pepper (to taste, wanker)
Now, over medium heat, in a large pot, add the fucking olive oil, onion and garlic. Reduce the heat to medium, and add a cup of water. When most of the water is evaporated add the tomatoes and tomato paste. Allow the tomatoes to come to a slow fucking boil, and stir it often, princess. Now reduce the heat and add the pork and allow it to simmer uncovered. Continue to stir the sauce for a couple of hours until the gravy thickens and the pork is easily pierced by a fork. Then, remove the meat and place it in separate dish to cool. Now fuck off.

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